Monthly Archives: December 2016

Family and Community Services is Grateful to the Hearts of Watchung

Posted on by

hearts-clipart-opT5koqiB

The Hearts of Watchung, led by Cindy Homer, is a group of tremendously caring and generous individuals who donate to families of need throughout the year. Family and Community Services is so fortunate to have this group to donate a multitude of gifts to a tremendous number of its’ lower income families particularly during the Holiday season. This group donates to the clients of several non-profit agencies that serve low income and at risk families.

A couple of weeks ago our full-time Spanish speaking counselor contacted Cindy Homer about one of her families who moved into the neighborhood in the past year and who could barely afford basic needs. This is a single parent family with 5 children who have been subjected to domestic violence in the past.

Cindy and the Hearts of Watchung asked for a needs list for all the family members and last week a tremendous number of brand new gifts, games, books, household needs ,and gift cards (for food and for fans for their apartment) were delivered to the family by Cindy; her children Wade, Jordan, and Harrison; and two F@CS staff. The people of the Hearts of Watchung went way beyond the definition of generosity. It was truly an amazing scene watching the excitement and happiness of the children as well as the appreciation of their mother as they received this tremendous volume of gifts.

Family and Community Services and so many of its’ clients and families of great need are so appreciative of this collaborative relationship with these exceedingly caring group of people!

Note: Due to confidentiality we were unable to take pictures of the family.

Helping Your Long Term Relationship Succeed

Posted on by

160463-164847“They got married and lived happily ever after”. Wouldn’t it be nice if life was truly like a fairly tale?

Unfortunately, in reality this does not happen. The divorce rate for first marriages has been very close to 50% for the past several years, and the rate increases to over 50 % for subsequent marriages.

What contributes to such high rates of marital or relationship breakdown? Unrealistic expectations are a major contributing factor. There are a number of misconceptions that people have when they marry including “love lasts forever”, “if she/he loves me then she/he will ….”, “once we get married (or have children), things will get better”, “he/she will change”, “I will be happier and have my needs fulfilled when I’m married”.

We were never told that marriage or living with someone is very challenging and requires a great deal of “work”, compromise, and acceptance. We are often seeking easy solutions in life and magical happiness. There is a general attitude that “I have to work at school, I go to my job and have to work, and I have to work on this too???”

People in relationships or marriages don’t realize how their partners often think, see things, communicate, and react quite differently. We often expect our partners to understand everything we feel, to understand our needs, and/or to always change. In addition, marriage or long term relationships continuously change over time as new stages of life and stressors develop. Having children could be a wonderful experience but it certainly alters the marital relationship in a number of ways including time alone and together, energy levels, the sexual relationship.

Another factor that contributes to marital or relationship breakdown is lack of commitment. Many time partners are looking for a new spark, the perfect relationship, or fall into the mythical trap of “the grass is greener on the other side”. Often, partners are not willing to work at the relationship, compromise, negotiate, or communicate.

A successful marriage or long term relationship can also be a very rewarding experience. Some helpful hints to a successful relationship:

  • Be realistic. Realize marriage can be challenging and that it’s not just about love, sex, and common interests. Marriage often needs to include such things as friendship, respect, consideration, compromise, communication, effort.
  • Pick and choose your battles. Prioritize what issues in the relationship (or about your partner) might need to be changed while accepting some of the others.
  • Realize that there are definite differences between you and your partner, don’t always try to change them, and try to understand where your partner is coming from.
  • Don’t always expect your partner to do the work or change. “Ask not what your partner could do for you (or your relationship), ask what you could do for your partner (or relationship)”.
  • Stay committed to the relationship (don’t fall for the grass is greener on the other side trap) unless your relationship is truly harmful or destructive.
  • Make the time to spend quality time with your partner. This includes time for communication and for enjoyable activities.

Written by: Eric Harris

FCSSC Board President Holiday Message

Posted on by

Dear friends, neighbors and family members:

It is that time of year, where we all begin to make resolutions for the new year, and in my case, look back at what I am thankful for.  This year, I am blessed, both personally and professionally.

I am blessed personally, as my family is healthy, and happy.  Is there anything more important in life?  In my opinion, I don’t think so.

Professionally, as the President of the Board of Directors of Family & Community Services of Somerset County (FCSSC), I am blessed as well.  I have the pleasure of working with a wonderful board of directors, and an outstanding, professional, talented staff at the agency.  And, by the way, thankfully, they report, they are healthy and happy as well!

When I look back to 2016, it was a year of change at FCSSC.  Our long term Executive Director, Eric Harris, announced and began a well-deserved retirement.  While he still sees clients at the agency, he is now able to spend more time with his family.  We were able to recruit a wonderful successor, Richard Schumann who will lead our transformation going forward.  In a short period of time, Richard has already made an impact, and implemented a number of changes that will lead to better services that our friends, neighbors and family members in Somerset County have come to expect.

As I look forward to 2017, I hope that our year will be one of “coming together”.  We have opportunities ahead of us, as a community, to help those in need.  We have the opportunity to join together to prevent shootings, bullying, and other awful actions that are related to mental health.  How do we come together and do this?  Instead of assuming that someone else will help, consider asking yourself “what can I do to help?”.  For me, I help by giving my time leading the Board of Directors at FCSSC.  My colleagues on the board are so generous with their time and insights that help to shape the agency, which in turn helps our community.  Let me re-phrase that… it helps OUR community.

The work we do at FCSSC goes directly to helping those in need here in OUR community.  The monies raised do not go to some large corporate building out of state, they are 100% utilized in Somerset County, our home.  Many of you are very busy with careers, family and other commitments and that is wonderful.  You can also help by attending our fund raising events, or consider a donation.  For those of you that work for generous organizations that match your funds, please remember to request the matching funds.

Please consider contacting me and asking “Howard, I like the work that is being done at FCSSC, what can I do to help?”.  2017 is the time for us to come together and work towards helping OUR community!

I wish you all a healthy and happy New Year and hope your dreams all come true!

Best,

Howard Hessel, FCSSC Board President